Bad Habit
by matsukanishi09
Summary: It had always been her bad habit. RyoSaku. One-shot.


It had always been a bad habit.

When I was five, I tried to pet a stray dog in the street, not minding its bared fangs and scary expression. I moved towards it without fear and with only the thought of placing my hand on the top of its head. Moments later, I was crying because of the metallic smell of blood smeared all over my white sundress. I stayed away from dogs, or any other animal, ever since.

I turned ten and I have been fascinated by cooking. Peaked by my curiosity and excitement, I decided to make my own food and surprise my parents. The thought of bringing them breakfast to bed lightened me up and without thinking; I marched onto the kitchen with a recipe in mind.

Four hours later, I was crying in the arms of my grandmother. I accidentally started a fire… and my parents were burned with our house.

A few years later, I became less energetic and my shy nature started to emerge. Many of my teachers told me to move out of my box and start participating, but apparently, none were too convincing for me to pull their suggestions through. I had been caged in by my inability to make friends, thus, marking me as the sole wallflower of the class.

But then, Tomoka came.

She was loud and annoying, the complete opposite of my nature. But, she was also persistent. She decided that I should be her friend and she constantly stood by me, even leaving the others in order to join me for lunch. It was a calming experience and the guilt slowly died down as she slowly made her own mark in my life.

It was the opposite of my bad habit, and its result was one I have always cherished.

It had always been a bad habit: pursuing things that caught my attention and infatuation. I have always thought that I have purged it, but the moment he swung his racket and caught my eye, I knew that I was falling back into the pattern I have considered taboo in my life.

He was cocky, bratty, immature and completely rude; however, his passionate love for tennis and desire to be the best are the things that pulled me to him. I had the same feeling I felt the moment I saw that dog or the very same joy I had when the thought of bringing breakfast in bed to my parents crossed my mind—and it scared me.

I have told myself to look away and to walk far from the tennis courts. But as every swing and every volley came, I was rooted behind the fence, my eyes following the contours of his features: those feline eyes and all-knowing smirk. He had me right into his trap and I, once again, have fallen into my bad habit.

I was there when he had his matches. I continued cheering him on, even as the rain poured down hard on the cold pavement. I made him lunches he always criticized, stuttered the moment he asked me a question, and blushed when his amazing eyes caught my dull ones.

The attraction I had for him was blatantly obvious, yet he never looked at me the way I wanted him to. Tomoka reasoned that he was only too dense for his own good, but even if everyone thought that I was gullible, I knew that he wasn't as unknowing as the others supposed him to be.

But still, I never tried.

Maybe, I was too afraid of the consequences of my bad habit. I have endangered my own life and that of others because of it, and the thought of losing my heart to him was enough to make me cry. After all, why would Echizen Ryoma choose me, of all people? For him, I was only the coach's granddaughter.

For the time being, I watched him from the sidelines.

It had been four years since it started. I have been forever watching, wishing that someday I might be able to be a part of his life… just like how he's affected mine. It was a waste-filled fantasy and even I would agree that my hopes would only be crushed the moment I pursued this arrangement.

Tomoka pushed me to confess, yet I never did. She even asked me why I never tried, why I only gaze at him like an invisible person… quiet and sentimental. And for the very first time, she looked at me seriously and said that this kind of love was unhealthy.

"Just let him go, Sakuno. If you are too afraid, just walk away."

I cried that night. I cried because I knew that what she said was true and that I would be unable to do what she wanted me to.

There were times that I would remember our little moments together. The vivid images of my limited times with him had been imprinted in my mind, ready to replay the memory like that of an old movie.

I had always been lying in bed, always holding his red racket tightly around my chest. And without knowing, hot tears always fall from my eyes.

He had been practicing. I've heard that he had another tournament and he might not be back to Japan for a very long time. I watched him again in silence, not minding the numbing sensation from my legs. The continuous bouncing of his tennis ball blended well with the chilly winter wind. He was a sight to behold, a figure that has conquered me wholly for the past years.

I didn't even know when the attraction had turned into love.

With a faint smile, I moved from my spot. The sound of my shoes halted him from his practice and the moment his eyes met mine, a faint blush adorned my cheeks. He held onto his tennis ball and racket, an eyebrow deftly lifted in a bemused way. I backtracked at the sight of his expression, yet my resolve continued to push on.

He would be gone.

This is my only chance.

This would free me from my habit.

I watched my breath fog up right in front of my eyes. He was standing right in front of me and I took him in. Those feline eyes radiated a deep emotion masked with indifference and I looked at him for the first and last time, knowing that I was ready to purge the feelings I knew were never meant to be there in the first place.

I was not supposed to love him as much as I do now. I was not supposed to feel afraid of rejection and succumb myself into a fit of depression. I was more than my bad habit; I need to keep my distance.

I closed my eyes and held onto my braids. With a final breath, I let my tears flow freely down my face.

"R-Ryoma-kun, I—"

"Wait for me."

My tear-stained eyes opened in surprise. He had the same indifferent façade, yet his eyes softened as more tears fell.

"Wait just a bit more, Ryuuzaki."

He held my palm open and dropped his tennis ball on it. A small gasp and chuckle escaped my lips and he walked away, a smirk adorning his features.

The ball contained a drawing of me, and a phrase that spoke volumes of how I spent expressing my love for him. I traced the characters and smiled broadly, the tears mingling with the accumulating snow on the ground.

_Next time, watch on the bench._

Maybe, it wasn't a bad habit, after all.


End file.
